charlaanne

grief

11.17.2020

Sometimes I feel like I am dealing with it okay and other times I know I’m not. There are days I feel like I cannot bear the missing a moment longer and I long for enough time to pass so I can think about Galin without pain. 

I have tried to feel nothing at all. That was nice for a while until I realized feeling numb was affecting my whole life, including my relationship with God. 

I never knew loving someone could hurt so much.

Sometimes God’s plan doesn’t look or feel good and I have to keep reminding myself that this life is not what it’s all about. 

I sure don’t have it all figured out. All I know is, I am a mess and I have nothing to offer God but a hurting heart, tears, and a broken hallelujah.

For Lily’s 12th birthday

10.26.2020

I rented an Airbnb for just the two of us. We spent the weekend shopping, playing games, hammocking, staying up late, and watching movies on my laptop. I loved every minute of our weekend together. I adore this girl. She is a beautiful soul. One of the best. 

I started this fun tradition when my oldest daughter, Brittany, turned 12 and have now done it with all three of my daughters. 

I started blogging the year Brittany turned 12, but apparently I never posted about her birthday trip. You can see Kayla’s trip here.

Jaxson's words

10.22.2020

After watching me change the air filter he said, “I am going to be your mechanical boy and repairman. You are going to see me fixing the vents at 3 in the morning.”

Today I am the same age Galin was when he died.

10.10.2020

45 years and 71 days old

my little boy

10.3.2020

I asked Jaxson, “how does it make you feel to know you are dearly loved by the Creator of the world?”

His response, “like I’m not alone.”

written 2/8/2020

9.19.2020

After my grandbaby was born I wanted to take pictures of him in his nursery. 

As I was packing up my camera and lenses, I was wishing I still had my cream-colored afghan to use for the photo shoot. I lost it when the tornado destroyed our home. 

Imagine my surprise when I got a package in the mail and opened it up to find a cream-colored afghan a friend made for me! My eyes immediately filled with tears as I thanked God for reminding me that He cares about the details.

You can see the photos I took that day here. 

written 6/1/2020

9.15.2020

I am thankful for the beautiful cards I have received from people across the country. 

For a loving and supportive family.

For friends who have stopped by to check on us. 

For all the meals that have been delivered. 

For the encouraging texts I have received at the moment I needed them most. 

For the kind and uplifting words left on my blog.

For my Dad’s advice and willingness to help in any way he can. 

For my Mom who is always just a phone call away. 

For my son who has helped me figure out a million different things. 

For Galin’s brothers who generously offered to help build a new house for us.

For all the prayers that have been prayed over our family.  

For memories. So many memories. 

I have felt God’s love over and over this past year through the kindness of people. I am so blessed.

Galin and Lily August 2016

some of the beautiful cards I received from people across the country

written 10/18/2019

9.9.2020

My girls and I enjoyed shopping at the booths lining the streets at Magnolia. Kayla found a pink hat and when she was purchasing it, the lady helping her asked, “what’s your story?” 

Kayla began sharing her story when Joanna Gaine’s mother-in-law came to meet us. She told us to follow her to the Magnolia store where she picked out a bunch of goodies to give us for our new home! Before we left, she gave me a hug and said she would be praying for us. To top it off, she gave us tickets to the concert happening later that night at Magnolia. We had a wonderful day and it felt like such a gift from God. He keeps showing us His love in the most random ways. I am literally blown away.

You can read more about our trip here.