charlaanne

Christmas 2019

I woke up Christmas morning thinking about our last Christmas with Galin and it made my heart ache for what used to be. The rest of the day, I tried my best to keep my mind on the present instead of the past. We decided to forgo our old traditions and start a few new ones. 

Brittany and her new husband, Clint, were able to join us in Florida for Christmas. We sure missed Matt and Jerusha. They stayed close to home because their baby is coming soon!

Brittany and I made a Starbucks run to pick up everyone’s favorite coffee drink. We had a gingerbread house decorating contest, made our own personal pizzas, played games, and spent the evening at the beach. We ended the day with our favorite ice cream and a Christmas movie. I sure am thankful for my kids! What a gift from God they are.

2019 brought the darkest, loneliest, and hardest days of my life.

I lost my first grandbaby, my home, and the love of my life. It brought me to my knees and made me wonder if I would ever breathe again. 

I learned that people can smile and laugh even when their heart is broken. 

Life can feel so lonely even when you are surrounded by people.  

A grateful heart can brighten the darkest night. 

My kids counting on me to show up is enough of a reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other. 

God gave me the world’s best support system. 

God's not finished with me yet. 

I am God’s child and there is no greater blessing than that. 

Photos taken by my oldest daughter, Brittany.

The little kids wanted to wear their new Christmas pjs to the beach:)

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love, care, prayers, and heartfelt words. I will never be able to express how much it means to me. Much love to each of you. Charla

A few months ago,

I decided it might be easier if we did something completely different for Christmas this year. I found a little place for us to stay on the beach. I believe this is Jaxson’s first time to see the ocean and he is in love with it! He has thanked me many times for bringing him here! 

Every day I have fun and then I cry because my favorite person isn’t here having fun with us. I sit alone and watch the little kids play in the ocean and it breaks my heart knowing Galin won’t be able to watch them grow up. 

My life is a far cry from what I had envisioned but being here has been good for my soul. For the first time since Galin died, I feel like taking pictures. 

I am thankful for that. 

xox
Charla

Six more days until she says “I do.”

A few weeks ago I went on a little weekend trip with my two oldest daughters, Brittany and Kayla, so we could spend some quality time together before Brittany’s wedding day. It was such a special time and truly felt like a gift from God. Spending time with them is one of my favorite things on this earth.

xox
Charla

It has been 166 days since I talked to Galin.

He was the one person I could talk to about anything. I miss the closeness and comradery we shared. I ache with longing for it.

Thankfully, I know Someone who will never leave me. He is strong when I am broken. He calms my anxious heart. He always welcomes me into His presence. 

Jesus is His name. 

What a privilege it is to be His.

“I love you precious momma. You are so precious I cannot imagine it. You are a billion precious and two hundred.” - Jaxson

Photos taken earlier this year. I have not felt like picking up my camera since Galin died. 

 

God has told us that He loves us and is all powerful but there are times my hurting heart can’t reconcile the fact that He could have healed Galin but He chose not to. He brought him home even though my children and I needed him here so much.

That is when I choose to trust Him. I choose to believe what He says is true. I choose to believe He will work everything together for good even when I can’t see it. I choose to take Him at His Word. I don’t want my love for God to be dependent upon my circumstances. No matter what He is worthy of all my worship and praise. 

photos taken March 2019

Daddy Diary

Remember me sharing that Lily started writing letters to Galin after he died? Every day she would write in her ‘Daddy Diary’ and tell him what she was up to. She recently told me she quit doing that because it was too hard. 

I asked if she would like to write to me instead and she loved the idea. Since then the two of us have been writing questions back and forth. She asks me a question about any topic (most of the time it is a question about Galin) and after answering it, I ask her a question. I feel like it has been such a good thing for both of us. Some of her questions and answers really make me stop and think. Here are some of the questions she has asked recently…

What did you love most about Daddy? 
How does it make you feel when you think about Daddy? 
5 things you’re grateful for that you did with Daddy. 
Tell me about when you were with Daddy and you never wanted it to end. 
How do you feel when we visit Daddy’s grave? 
If he could come back for one more day, what would you do? 

Here is my answer to her last question…
“Stare at him. Hug him...kiss him...ALL DAY LONG. Tell him how much I love and adore him. Thank him for being the most incredible husband to ever walk this earth. Go on a walk and hold his hand the whole time. Eat lunch at one of our favorite places. Lay out under the stars and hug and kiss some more.”

photo taken by Kayla March 2019