charlaanne

our ongoing weekend project

2.21.2021

joy

2.12.2021

A while back, a dear friend asked what brings me the most joy in life right now. 

Today my answer is a friend picking up the little kids to take them sledding, an unexpected date with Kayla, and getting to witness some of Jack’s first steps. 

What has been bringing you joy lately?

The little kids and I started making a list.

2.2.2021

It is full of fun things we want to do together before Lily turns 18. We are going to hang it up when we move into our new house.

I know this would make Galin happy.

I felt so lost after he died. Each day felt incredibly long, and I couldn’t imagine ever looking forward to life again. That is why this list feels like a big deal to me. We are slowly but surely figuring out how to live again.

Hello friends,

1.24.2021

I am still here, taking it one day at a time :)

The holidays felt so heavy without Galin. We decided it would be easier if we spent Christmas away from home, so we rented an Airbnb. 

I got to spend Christmas Day with all my kids and JACK. We played games, made personal pizzas, and had a cookie decorating contest. God gave us a beautiful day together.

Jaxson wrote his first letter to me. He gave it to me a few days before Christmas because he was too anxious to wait. 

Dear Mom, I love you huge. I love you to the moon and back so much. xoxo God loves you outrageously. I know you are sad. I’m sad sometimes. We are happy sometimes. Jaxson

king of analogies

12.4.2020

Today it has been one and a half years since Galin died. A dear friend recently told me losing someone you love is like turning off a light switch. After a while, your eyes slowly start to adjust to the lack of light. 

I've never heard death described in a way I could relate to more. It made me think of how good Galin was at coming up with word pictures to express himself. I used to tell him he was the king of analogies. 

my mom

12.3.2020

After Galin died, she told me to call her anytime, day or night. There have been times when she answered the phone, and I was crying so hard I could hardly speak. She immediately started praying and her words calmed my heart. 

I can’t imagine how different my life would be without her love and prayers. She has helped me make it through many dark days. She is so precious to me. 

grief

11.17.2020

Sometimes I feel like I am dealing with it okay and other times I know I’m not. There are days I feel like I cannot bear the missing a moment longer and I long for enough time to pass so I can think about Galin without pain. 

I have tried to feel nothing at all. That was nice for a while until I realized feeling numb was affecting my whole life, including my relationship with God. 

I never knew loving someone could hurt so much.

Sometimes God’s plan doesn’t look or feel good and I have to keep reminding myself that this life is not what it’s all about. 

I sure don’t have it all figured out. All I know is, I am a mess and I have nothing to offer God but a hurting heart, tears, and a broken hallelujah.

For Lily’s 12th birthday

10.26.2020

I rented an Airbnb for just the two of us. We spent the weekend shopping, playing games, hammocking, staying up late, and watching movies on my laptop. I loved every minute of our weekend together. I adore this girl. She is a beautiful soul. One of the best. 

I started this fun tradition when my oldest daughter, Brittany, turned 12 and have now done it with all three of my daughters. 

I started blogging the year Brittany turned 12, but apparently I never posted about her birthday trip. You can see Kayla’s trip here.