charlaanne

life update:

We have moved into a rental house. Our insurance company furnished the house and had boxes filled with everything we needed to set up house. Having our own space again is such a blessing. 

Matt and Jerusha’s first baby was due last month. I will never forget the day they came over to tell Galin and me they were expecting. Our hearts were filled with joy which soon turned to sadness when they had a miscarriage. Now it brings me comfort to think about baby Shiloh being in heaven with Galin. I found out the day Galin died that they are expecting another baby and it is due in January. I can hardly wait to hold this little gift from heaven in my arms. 

photo by Brittany 8/2019

Brittany is getting married! Her fiance, Clint, asked her to marry him in April and we were busy making wedding plans when Galin died. Her wedding is in November. Clint is the perfect addition to this family. He brings the fun and it makes my heart happy to hear my children laughing. 

photo by Kelli 4/2019

Kayla put her life on hold to help take care of Lily and Jaxson while our lives were filled with doctor appointments and hospital stays. She loved and served us so well. She just got back from vacation. One of Galin’s brothers surprised her by taking her on an Alaskan cruise with his family! She is planning on getting a job soon. 

photo by Brittany 6/2018

Out of all of my children, Lily seems to be struggling the most. She was such a Daddy’s girl. She came to the hospital to tell him goodbye and it was traumatic for her seeing him hooked up to all the machines and being unresponsive. She started a journal where she writes letters to him and I think that is helping her. 

photo 2/2019

Jaxson has had so much to deal with in his short life. It makes my heart break to think about it but he is still his talkative and happy little self. He starts kindergarten soon and he can hardly wait.

photo 2/2019

It feels like Galin went on the most amazing trip and left me here. For the last 26 years we experienced everything together and now he is experiencing things I can’t even comprehend. When I feel like I can’t go on, I try to start thanking God for His blessings. There are too many to count and my children are at the top of that list. From the time I was little my greatest desire was to be a wife and mother and God was so good to give me the desire of my heart. I am thankful for the gift of adoption and for these two little kids to raise. They are the reason I get out of bed each morning. God knew how much I needed them. 

photo 2/2019

I hope you are having a beautiful weekend. Thank you for being here and following along on our journey. 
xox
Charla

ELEVEN

On August 3 I celebrated this precious girl turning eleven. I am so thankful I have gotten to be with her for each one of her birthdays. We brought her home from South Korea when she was 10 1/2 months old. God gave me a gift of immeasurable worth the day He brought her into my life. 

She is my mini planner and so she had her birthday figured out many months ago. The main thing on her list was horseback riding with Galin. After he died, it took her awhile but she finally came up with a new plan - a lunch date with me, shopping with cousins, and an ice cream party with her siblings. 

Living life and moving forward without my love makes my heart ache. I long for what used to be. Her birthday was a hard day but it was also a good day. There was laughter and there were tears. 

A year ago today we found out Galin had cancer.

Some mornings I wake up and can’t believe this is my life now. I miss him more than I ever thought it was possible to miss another. I have to keep reminding myself to take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.

God was so good to give us 26 years together. I loved doing life with him by my side. He was my home. My rock. My encourager. My biggest earthly blessing. He didn’t just tell me he loved me, he showed me in a million different ways. When he went out of town, I would search for the love note I knew he left behind. He never left for work without kissing me goodbye. He insisted on rubbing my feet even when he wasn’t feeling good himself. He acted like a goofball just because he loved to hear me laugh. He reached for my hand every time we went on a walk. He taught me to look for the good in every situation. Even when he was suffering, I never heard a word of complaint come out of his mouth. So many times, I marveled at how God was using his pain to bless and encourage those around him. He was the most amazing person I have ever met and I will always aspire to be more like him.

I just want to thank each one of you for the love you have shown our family. Each and every prayer and kind word has meant more than words can say. We have felt so held during this time. We know we will have a lot of hard days ahead, but we also know we are not walking alone and we are forever grateful.

xox
Charla

My heart is so broken

I have been trying to come up with the words to tell you my precious husband went home to be with Jesus on June 4. He had a severe and extremely rare reaction to the Car T-cell therapy and his death shocked everyone.

Saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing I have ever done. I was standing by his bedside and my son, Matt, wrapped his arms around me and said, “He is finally where he belongs. Someday soon you will get to be with him and he can introduce you to Jesus.”

Because of that, I do not grieve without hope. I know without a doubt he is in heaven completely pain free worshiping His Savior and someday I will join him. What a day that will be!

Today we would have celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary. I long to hold him close and tell him one more time how much I love him.

Galin and I always said we didn’t want to live one day without each other. I remember him telling me a few years ago if I died first he wouldn’t get bitter, he would just thank God for the years we had together. I aim to follow his example.

photo: THE ART OF UNSCRIPTED

Jaxson's words

“We are houseless. When the house got broke, something really important was in there - Curious George."

photo taken February 2019

This is the week we have been waiting for.

Galin gets his new cells today! So much testing, waiting, and preparation has gone into making this treatment possible! Now I wait and hope and pray that God will help these modified cells do the work they are intended to do.

Car T-cell therapy was approved by the FDA at the end of 2017 and I am so thankful it is an option for Galin. He has an aggressive cancer and his cure rate with just more chemo is 10-15%. Our doctor told us with Car T-cell therapy that number will jump to 54%.

Once he gets his new cells someone will have to be with him 24/7 for a month and he won’t be able to drive for two months because of potential side effects. You can read more about Car T-cell therapy here.

Our kids are staying with family while Galin and I spend the week in the hospital.

photo taken February 2019

It is easy for me to long for the future when life is less chaotic but I have felt challenged recently to embrace each day and enjoy the present more fully. I don’t know what my future holds, but today I get to be with the man I love. What a gift.

As long as we are together, we are home.

Thirteen days ago Galin and I were getting the little kids ready for bed, when we got a shocking phone call from Galin’s brother. He said, “I hate to tell you this but your house has been hit by a tornado!” A few minutes later I started shaking uncontrollably as I stared at the photo he texted. It was too much to process. This was our home. The place we lived for almost a decade.

I lay in bed all night thanking God no one was home when the tornado hit and thinking about all the irreplaceable items I was sad to lose.

The doctor said it would be okay if Galin postponed a few of his radiation treatments so we could make a quick trip home to look at the damage and see if we could find anything worth salvaging.

When we drove up to our house we could hardly believe how many people were there to lend a helping hand. I can’t even put into words how much that meant to us.

Galin and I were able to walk through what was left of our home one last time before it was torn down and hauled away. I could not get over how filthy everything was.

It is strange to think we won’t be able to go back home when Galin is done with his cancer treatments. I am a planner and all the unknowns of the last several months has been hard. I am slowly learning what it means to let go and truly trust God.

No matter what happens I know He will not leave me or forsake me. He has proven to me He is a good good Father who cares about the little details in our lives.

The outpouring of love, prayers, and support we have received from family, friends, and strangers has been unbelievable. I have been touched so deeply. I have never felt so loved and cared for. I am in awe of how God uses His people to bless and encourage others.

Our youngest three children were with Galin and me in the camper when the tornado hit, but our oldest daughter, Brittany, had been home that evening. When it got stormy, one of Galin’s brothers called and asked her to come to their house because they have an in ground storm shelter. If he would not have called, she probably would have stayed home and went to our basement. The tornado moved our house 10 feet forward on the foundation and it made the back of the house cave into the basement. It would have been a miracle if she would have survived.

The tornado took the roof off our house and it rained all night but almost everything I felt the saddest about losing was found with no water damage - my love letters from Galin, negatives, videos of our children growing up, and Lily’s baby pictures from her foster mom in South Korea!

Right before we left town I backed up all my recent pictures and put them in a safe place.

After we found out our house was destroyed our children started talking about the things they were sad to lose. The one thing Brittany mentioned was her Bible. Her room was upstairs completely exposed to the wind and rain but her Bible was found completely dry!

Kayla told me she didn’t bring her favorite Bible and prayer journal on our trip because she was afraid they would get messed up in the camper. Her Bible was found with no water damage and her prayer journal only had water damage on the pages she hadn’t written on!

I know every good and perfect gift is from above and I praise Him for each one of these blessings. God is great and most worthy of praise. My heart continues to sing How great is my God.

I will praise the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being. Psalm 146:2

Brittany being interviewed by the local tv station

Matt, Jerusha, and Lily

standing in what was left of our room

what was left of Lily’s room

The kitchen was a disaster but this chalkboard was still hanging on the wall.

These amazing pictures were taken by Galin’s sister, Sannetta, and I am so grateful to have them! She has gone above and beyond the last several months. It would take a book to write down all the different ways she has blessed our family. You can find more of her work at The Art of Unscripted.
xox
Charla

Hello friends,

We have packed up our lives and moved to a bigger city for about seven weeks. Galin has to be close to the hospital where he is receiving radiation and Car T-cell therapy and one of Galin’s brothers generously let us borrow his camper while we are away from home. These two little kids sure are excited about our new adventure. I am just thankful we can all be together.

I have a lot of pictures I have taken the last few months that I will post while we are away from home.

xox, Charla